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Grace Song
Quiz: A Smart Girl's Guide to Boys by American Girl™
1. Does he know you exist?
b. Yes, we're in the same circle of friends c. No, I'm a potato and have no friends d. No, he would be ashamed to associate himself with me If you chose a or b, proceed to question 2
If you chose c or d, proceed to question 3
2. How do you embarrass yourself in front of him?
a. You trip like Bella in Twilight b. You talk loudly about K-pop to your friend when he passes by c. You accidentally like three of his Instagram pictures from four years
ago d. He makes a joke and you laugh like a hyena Proceed to question 4
3. How do you make him notice you?
a. You don't. You just stare at a wall and count the bricks b. Put a photo of yourself in his ham sandwich c. Skydive and land in front of his house Proceed to question 2
4. Who makes the first move?
c. My friends tell him I like him d. The teacher overhears that I like him and tells him 5. What is the outcome?
c. He's not emotionally available right now d. He already has a girlfriend If you chose a, proceed to question 6
If you chose b, c, or d, proceed to question 20
6. How is the first date?
a. I learn he's a picky eater and hates pizza b. We connect instantly and talk about the double domestication of
felines c. He arrives 30 minutes late and doesn't apologize d. There's no first date. He never answered my calls or texts If you chose a or b, proceed to question 7
If you chose c or d, proceed to question 20
7. Why do you like him?
a. He's a jerk, and I'm attracted to bad boys (blame it on fanfictions) b. Chemical attraction — my atoms are screaming yes d. My dog/cat/sock likes him 8. How long do you wait to text him again?
If you chose a or b, proceed to question 10
If you chose c or d, proceed to question 20
9. How is the second date?
a. A scene straight out of a cliché b. We speculate the future and make a time capsule c. He orders pasta and spills sauce on his shirt d. I hate the movie he picks 10. How is the kiss?
c. Two words: chapped lips d. I freak out the last second and turn away 11. Describe your relationship
a. Mellow — a cool, August evening at the beach b. Tumultuous — everyday's a hurricane c. Dramatic — we could star in our own reality TV show d. Boring — I want to file for divorce If you chose a or c, proceed to question 12
If you chose b or d, proceed to question 15
12. How do you tell the world about your relationship?
a. You make it Facebook and/or Instagram official b. You hand out informational flyers to your neighbors d. You don't — undisclosed privacy reasons 13. When and how does the honeymoon phase end?
a. 1 month, when I see how our plaid shirts clash horribly b. 3 months, when he keeps ditching me for his friends c. 6 months, when I realize how different we are d. 9 months, when I can no longer stand his loud chewing 14. What do you fight about?
b. If we should continue the relationship c. Who took the last cookie in the cookie jar d. Why I'm talking to his arch-nemesis 15. Why do you break up?
a. He caught me emotionally cheating b. Long distance doesn't work anymore c. He keeps talking about his ex d. I've fallen out of love 16. How do you break up?
17. What do you regret?
b. Giving him my Netflix password c. Unleashing my hot temper d. Ignoring the advice of friends and family 18. How do you treat your ex?
c. I delete our pictures and unfollow his socials d. I pretend he doesn't exist 19. Do you get back with him?
20. Do you want to start over?
Answer key: a, c, a, a, b, b, b, a, d, a, a, c, c, d, c, b, b, b, a
Grace Q. Song is a Chinese-American writer from New York. Her work has been published or is forthcoming in DIALOGIST, Into the Void, Up the Staircase Quarterly, Passages North, [PANK] and elsewhere. A high school junior, she enjoys listening to ABBA and Yoke Lore.
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