Gone Lawn
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Gone Lawn 38
Autumnal Equinox, 2020

our 10th anniversary issue

Featured painting, Islands for Misfits and Wayward Girls: Message in a Bottle, by Chris Jeanguenat.

New Works

Grace Song

Quiz: A Smart Girl's Guide to Boys by American Girl™

1.   Does he know you exist?
a.   Yes, he knows my name
b.   Yes, we're in the same circle of friends
c.   No, I'm a potato and have no friends
d.   No, he would be ashamed to associate himself with me

If you chose a or b, proceed to question 2
If you chose c or d, proceed to question 3

2.   How do you embarrass yourself in front of him?
a.   You trip like Bella in Twilight
b.   You talk loudly about K-pop to your friend when he passes by
c.   You accidentally like three of his Instagram pictures from four years
d.   He makes a joke and you laugh like a hyena

Proceed to question 4

3.   How do you make him notice you?
a.   You don't. You just stare at a wall and count the bricks
b.   Put a photo of yourself in his ham sandwich
c.   Skydive and land in front of his house
d.   Flirt till you drop

Proceed to question 2

4.   Who makes the first move?
a.   I do
b.   He does
c.   My friends tell him I like him
d.   The teacher overhears that I like him and tells him

5.   What is the outcome?
a.   He likes me back
b.   He rejects me
c.   He's not emotionally available right now
d.   He already has a girlfriend

If you chose a, proceed to question 6
If you chose b, c, or d, proceed to question 20

6.   How is the first date?
a.   I learn he's a picky eater and hates pizza
b.   We connect instantly and talk about the double domestication of
c.   He arrives 30 minutes late and doesn't apologize
d.   There's no first date. He never answered my calls or texts

If you chose a or b, proceed to question 7
If you chose c or d, proceed to question 20

7.   Why do you like him?
a.   He's a jerk, and I'm attracted to bad boys (blame it on fanfictions)
b.   Chemical attraction — my atoms are screaming yes
c.   He can boil water
d.   My dog/cat/sock likes him

8.   How long do you wait to text him again?
a.   A day
b.   A week
c.   A month
d.   A year

If you chose a or b, proceed to question 10
If you chose c or d, proceed to question 20

9.   How is the second date?
a.   A scene straight out of a cliché
b.   We speculate the future and make a time capsule
c.   He orders pasta and spills sauce on his shirt
d.   I hate the movie he picks

10.   How is the kiss?
a.   Breathless
b.   He needs a mint
c.   Two words: chapped lips
d.   I freak out the last second and turn away

11.   Describe your relationship
a.   Mellow — a cool, August evening at the beach
b.   Tumultuous — everyday's a hurricane
c.   Dramatic — we could star in our own reality TV show
d.   Boring — I want to file for divorce

If you chose a or c, proceed to question 12
If you chose b or d, proceed to question 15

12.   How do you tell the world about your relationship?
a.   You make it Facebook and/or Instagram official
b.   You hand out informational flyers to your neighbors
c.   Your parents overhear
d.   You don't — undisclosed privacy reasons

13.   When and how does the honeymoon phase end?
a.   1 month, when I see how our plaid shirts clash horribly
b.   3 months, when he keeps ditching me for his friends
c.   6 months, when I realize how different we are
d.   9 months, when I can no longer stand his loud chewing

14.   What do you fight about?
a.   How his mom hates me
b.   If we should continue the relationship
c.   Who took the last cookie in the cookie jar
d.   Why I'm talking to his arch-nemesis

15.   Why do you break up?
a.   He caught me emotionally cheating
b.   Long distance doesn't work anymore
c.   He keeps talking about his ex
d.   I've fallen out of love

16.   How do you break up?
a.   Through text
b.   In an argument
c.   In person
d.   My friends tell him

17.   What do you regret?
a.   Choosing him
b.   Giving him my Netflix password
c.   Unleashing my hot temper
d.   Ignoring the advice of friends and family

18.   How do you treat your ex?
a.   We're good friends
b.   "It's awkward"
c.   I delete our pictures and unfollow his socials
d.   I pretend he doesn't exist

19.   Do you get back with him?
a.   Yes
b.   No

20.   Do you want to start over?
a.   Yes
b.   No

Answer key: a, c, a, a, b, b, b, a, d, a, a, c, c, d, c, b, b, b, a

Grace Q. Song is a Chinese-American writer from New York. Her work has been published or is forthcoming in DIALOGIST, Into the Void, Up the Staircase Quarterly, Passages North, [PANK] and elsewhere. A high school junior, she enjoys listening to ABBA and Yoke Lore.