"BABIES, BEGINNING AT $500,000" said the sign on a funeral parlor. So a childless woman withdrew her life savings and bought a beautiful baby girl for $800,000. The mortician and his assistant gripped each other in strong, stoic bear hugs and exchanged pink bubblegum cigars. Doesn't she look beautiful, they cried. She did look beautiful, the woman agreed, with a mouth sculpted to resemble a perfect little rosebud.
A priest turned to the woman and spoke sotto voce. "I understand this is a difficult time for you, but we need to discuss this," he said. "What kind of a womb would you like for your baby to be born in? Wombs begin at $200,000."
"You goddamned bastard!", the woman screamed. "What would you know about the price of a womb, you son of a bitch!" She reached down, ripped out her own uterus, and threw it at the priest.
On the verge of insanity, the woman shrieked and ripped hunks of her hair from her head. "Keep her quiet!" the OB/GYN yelled. Just as he prepared to saw through the woman's skull, the phone rang. On speakerphone, the priest shouted, "The baby has spoken her first word!". The woman let out a blood-curdling scream. "What was it?" she shrieked.
The priest announced joyously, "Goodbye!"
Angela Genusa is a writer and polyartist.